I saw it coming before it actually happened. But like most, I still hoped that when the day came, it wouldn’t be me. But it was.
The irony of last week’s post about staying active at work was that I wrote that post and scheduled it out before everything went down. And once it did, I wasn’t going to go unschedule all of my hard work.
So what happened?
I was laid off from my full time job.
In fact, I was one of 20 laid off from my full time job in a means to cut overhead. I knew it was coming. The company hadn’t been profitable, they weren’t being financially smart, and then Facebook’s most recent algorithm changes shut down a huge program.
You could feel the anxiety and stress. Bosses were in meetings all day every single day. No one wanted to say anything. In many ways, I’m sure many couldn’t actually but unless you weren’t paying attention or were completely naive and oblivious, you had to know something was going to happen.
I pulled into the parking lot that day and saw our HR rep was in the office. Since she wasn’t there too often, I knew that wasn’t a good sign. And then, I couldn’t ignore the weird vibe. My anxiety shot through the roof and while I was working all morning, it was hard to focus. I had a meeting at 1pm and something about that just didn’t feel right. Turns out, that was the mass lay-off meeting. I saw it on the faces of some of the others present, they had no clue. I knew immediately.
In fact, I had started packing up my desk and my office that morning before the meeting. I was prepared to hang things back on the wall but I really didn’t think I would need to. After it happened, I walked back to my desk. I messaged my coworker in Seattle to say goodbye. I texted a few friends. I logged out of my accounts. I signed the paperwork and I handed that and my laptop over to HR. I said goodbye to a few people and brought my boxes to my car and left.
There were tears, sure, but honestly, also a bit of relief. I was ready to go. I was already looking but it would have been nice to leave on my own terms and with another job lined up and ready. But regardless, I took Thursday to let myself feel the feels. To be upset, angry, worried, panicked, cry, sob, whatever I needed. But then it was time to pick myself back up. To trust that the Universe has my back and not only that everything happens for a reason but that everything happens in the right time.
Since it happened, my daily headaches have nearly vanished. My anxiety can be up (at times) but for the most part, there’s an overall feeling of peace. I don’t know what’s next for me and while I’m searching for jobs and trying to teach yoga, I’m also trusting and believing and reassuring myself that everything will be okay.
Because it always is OK.
Have you ever been laid off? How did you take it? Any advice? (Aside from filing for unemployment right away – check!)